so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
