so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
