shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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