why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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