just come out here and I will go home with you...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
