I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
