If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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