dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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