You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
