I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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