I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
