I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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