do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
