She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
