I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
