omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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