I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
