I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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