are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
