At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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