So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
