I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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