It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
