GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
