I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
