Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
