So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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