It's like a parade of train wrecks.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
