New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
