I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
