"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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