i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
