Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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