so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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