I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
