3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
