I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
