I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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