I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
