Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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