OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
