is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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