I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
