what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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