dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
