drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
