we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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