I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
