so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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