girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
