i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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