There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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