can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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