And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Send help, water and tortillas.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
