someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
